I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
