I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
