I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
