the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize