U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
