are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well you can't waste a boner
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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