I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
