Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
