You really coming over, don't trick.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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