I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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