I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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