so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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