I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
