get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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