I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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