SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
