we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
