the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
where does the pee come out of this thing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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