i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
