Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
