I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
