I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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