this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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