i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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