$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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