he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
