Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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