Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
