If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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