your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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