So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
