i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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