You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
