i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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