He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
