I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
