I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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