I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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