I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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