Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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