im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize