I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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