What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
