you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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