return my video game
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
