Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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