Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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