Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
