She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
