me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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