waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
