im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need water and some morals
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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