she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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