I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
