Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yo dont text me then not text me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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