I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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