Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My penis needs a shock collar
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
