Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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