the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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