no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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