I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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