Buhtt sex?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
