Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
