i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
