ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
