I didn't shave. On purpose
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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