I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
