He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize