I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
