THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
