I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Couch. On fire.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
