I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize