shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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