You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize