we have officially lost it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
