So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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