I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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