i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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