she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
