You work out of a Hotel?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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