Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
